About Last Night
by yra
Summary: After a wild night, four of the Senshi have some explaining to do...
1. Missing

_Author's Note: This tale does not belong in the same universe as Out of the Abyss and Heart of Darkness. It is inspired by the bizarrely wonderful Texts From Last Night page, as well as Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I_ highly _recommend the second, which can be found on Tumblr. Any and all text messages come from Texts From Last Night._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, as anyone who has seen my bank account would know._

Childhood is a fleeting thing. Youth can cling to a person for only so long before the world slowly wears it away. Though they may carry with them their courage and their pure hearts, girls will shake off the protection of their innocence and step forward into the world as young women. Not each step is steady or true, but maturity and wisdom can only be found along a road of vast and varied experiences.

Shortly after Michiru woke to see of her phone blinking a text alert, she wished this were not the case.

Sighing, Michiru rolled over onto her back and snagged the phone from the bedside table. She did not even have to glance at the other side of the bed to know it was empty. Perhaps this would be concerning to most people, but with the odd and hectic lives of Sailor Senshi an absentee partner was not exactly an emergency. Michiru had known that rehearsal would probably run late and she had told her lover just that. After several moments of sulking over lunch, Haruka had reluctantly decided that she would then accept an earlier offer from Minako to attend a party.

 _Something must have happened after the party,_ Michiru guessed muzzily as she tapped at her phone's screen. _Some kind of enemy or emergency…but still, they should have been home by now. What are they—?_

The screen finally came to life under the musician's fingers and her thoughts stuttered to a sudden alarmed stop. Her eyes found ten messages from Minako, five from Usagi, two from Rei, and _twelve_ from Haruka.

"What?" Michiru gasped in shock. Her mind sprang back to life with a thousand possible calamities chasing each other around her head. She imagined sudden carnage in Tokyo, monsters or demons or something perhaps even worse. Without bothering with the other twenty-eight messages, she went straight to the last one. It had come at just after 3 a.m. In the seconds it took for the text to upload she swung her legs out of bed and prepared to leap to her feet.

The name Hino Rei appeared at the top of the screen, along with the face of the lovely priestess. Michiru skimmed the two sentences of the text as she opened the drawer to the bedside table and groped for her wand. She found this, but instead of shouting out for Neptune's power she merely sat back down on the mattress and read the message again, slower this time.

A third perusal led to the wand returning to the bedside table. Michiru stared at the text with her mouth slightly open in shock. One hand went to her chest, just over her heart and where she hid her talisman, her mirror. She, Haruka, and Setsuna had been entrusted with these three sacred objects of power with the understanding that they would only be called forth in a moment of last resort. This was their duty, the thing that set them apart from their younger "sisters", and a Senshi lived and died for her duty. Haruka would never be careless with her own talisman.

Once more, and very slowly and carefully, Michiru read the message that Rei had sent her and she felt her jaw tighten.

"I'm going to kill her."

For once Michiru was somewhat careless with her clothing. She pulled out a pair of jeans, something she rarely wore, and a soft purple shirt that had seen better days. A brilliant pink elastic pulled back her hair with wild strands sticking out around her face and curling at the nape of her neck. With socks in one hand and her phone in the other she hurried from the room.

A light from the kitchen caught her notice as she rushed down the stairs, as did the smell of freshly brewed coffee. After a moment of hesitation she veered toward the source of that aroma. Making one cup would give her more than enough time to think this through rationally…and consider what she would do once she found Haruka.

Only Setsuna sat at the kitchen table, buttered toast on a plate, a cup of coffee beside it, and her eyes fixed on the laptop computer that had been a gift from Ami. While the thought had been that the laptop would assist Setsuna in research she had an unfortunate tendency to become lost in links from one site to the next, bouncing happily down whatever trail led from her original inquiry. It had been a sad day in the house the Outer Senshi shared when Setsuna discovered Wikipedia.

"Good morning," Setsuna muttered distractedly as Michiru pounced on the coffee maker. "How was rehearsal last night?"

"Good," the other woman snapped. She seized the cream from the refrigerator and dumped far more than she should have into her mug. The sugar came next and she gave the concoction a vigorous stir that sent several drops spilling over the edge. These she ignored as she hastened to shove cream and sugar back into their proper places.

Still staring intently at her computer, Setsuna asked, "Haven't these rehearsals been running late for the last few weeks? Is there a problem in the orchestra?"

"Only that the new conductor wants to sleep with me and is punishing the entire company until I do."

Michiru took a deep, scalding gulp of coffee. When she lowered her mug she found that she had arrested Setsuna's attention completely.

"Is this one of those times you say something just to see if I'm listening?"

"Actually, no," Michiru admitted. "He is pushing the rehearsals later and later. His hope is that one day I will have to ask him for a ride home, thus giving him a chance to win me over. I really thought he would have given up by now. It's not as if my relationship with Haruka is a secret in the orchestra."

"It's not a secret from the people who pass on the street," Setsuna said with a smirk. "Except those neighbors who insist on believing we are all cousins. What a strange family they must think we have."

"We're three women raising a child together, and that is the most normal thing about this household."

"Fair point. What are you going to do about this conductor?"

Michiru shrugged, which earned her a look of surprise. "The string section took a vote and decided we should get through this show before I bring up my concerns to the orchestra's manager. The rest of the company seems to agree with us, though I think there might be mutiny brewing in the percussion section. It's only another week, after which the manager can either try to replace one conductor or thirty-six string musicians."

"That should be an interesting conversation," Setsuna agreed. "One more question; why are you downing coffee the way one would a beer when they're answering a challenge by their friends?"

The empty coffee mug went into the sink with a clatter. "That will teach you not to bet Haruka she couldn't do it in one breath. Speaking of which, haven't you noticed something about Haruka?"

"Um, I haven't seen her this morning," Setsuna said, "so no, not really."

Michiru smirked dangerously. "I haven't either. She never came home last night."

"I thought she was asleep with you!" In much the same state as Michiru just minutes before, Setsuna sprang up and reached automatically into her pocket for the wand resting there. "Do you know where she is? Have you tried the communicators yet?"

Instead of answering directly, Michiru brought Rei's last text onto the screen of her phone. She held it out to the other woman, who paused in her anxious questions to read. A confused frown began, then grew on the second reading. After the third she looked up at Michiru with alarm in her garnet eyes.

"She wouldn't."

"I'm not so certain about that, especially not when you take into account what _else_ it says."

Setsuna ran a hand over her eyes and returned her wand to her pocket. "Should we look for her?"

"Absolutely," Michiru growled through her teeth. "I want to know _exactly_ what the hell happened last night!"

This time both of them moved toward the door, the toast left untouched on the plate and Michiru's socks still in her hand. Socks and shoes were donned and Michiru had just put her phone back into her pocket when voices came, muffled, through the door. Though the words were lost the voices themselves were familiar, as was a trilling laugh. There was something strange about that laugh, not the way it usually sounded, almost as if it were lurching to one side and unable to find its normal tones.

Michiru yanked the door open and soon discovered why.


	2. Happy Drunks

_Author's Note: Truth time: this story has been ready to go for a while, but I could not, in good conscience, post the first chapter until I updated Heart of Darkness. This is what I write when I need to blow off steam, so thank you for all coming along with me in this. In the coming chapters you might see some familiar faces from surprising places. Special thanks to Mallon Schwarz (buckle up, it's gonna get weird), SailorMoon489 (for once I will update quickly), phern (alive and somewhat kicking, thanks), Moon Bunny (hopefully this will live up to expectations), and The Rising Phoenix (it's always exciting to see a review with all caps, and even more exciting when it's a positive review!)._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs._

The owner of the laugh leaned heavily against the railing of the porch, one arm wrapped through it to keep herself upright as she swayed, her long pigtails trailing after her. Opposite of her another young woman had slumped back against the wall beside the door and her hair, a slightly darker gold, fell down around her smiling face in the remnants of curls. Two more revelers stood just in front of the door, the arm of the taller and older woman draped over the slender shoulders and the black hair of her companion. The younger of the two was giggling about something.

On any other day that giggling would have died as soon as the door swung open, shot dead by the fury in Michiru's eyes. This time Rei did not even seem to notice. Instead she craned her head around and grinned at Usagi.

"Soap!"

Another wave of laughter over took them all. Haruka actually stumbled sideways into Rei and the two wavered, almost dropping to the ground. Somehow, they caught themselves and leaned together as their mirth intermingled. It was only after they began to pull themselves together that any of them noticed Michiru and Setsuna in the doorway.

"My love!" Haruka shouted, throwing her arms out dramatically and knocking Rei in the back of the head with her elbow. This only made the priestess begin to giggle again. "Oh, my darling, my angel of the sea! How radiant you are in the light of this beautiful morning!"

Her radiant angel growled out four words from behind clenched teeth.

"Get. In. Here. _Now_."

Still, none of them sensed danger. Haruka staggered happily forward to plant a slightly off target kiss very close to Michiru's mouth. Rei moved around them and managed to kick off both shoes with only a little wobble. This was even more impressive when the two sober Senshi took in the pair of heels she wore; slender scarlet stilettoes that put the red high-heeled shoes of her uniform to shame. Minako did not fair quite as well, colliding with one wall as she wrestled with the zipper of a black leather boot. In a kindhearted but foolish attempt to help, Usagi leaned over to grasp at the other zipper. Within seconds she landed flat on her butt, which she took as an opportunity to finish loosening the right boot. She did not bother to rise as she brought all her focus on the buckle of her own shoe. When she managed to work off both white and gold strappy contraptions, only tipping over once, she reached out both hands to Michiru with a blissfully trusting smile.

"Help!" she cried, opening and closing her hands like a toddler. "I can't stand up! My legs don't work!"

"They brought you here, didn't they?" Setsuna shot back, her voice milder than anything Michiru could have managed at the moment.

"Minako brought me here!"

Michiru and Setsuna looked at the other blond.

"Piggyback, all the way," the leader of the Inner Senshi informed them with a smug nod. "Because that's what good soldiers do."

"That's what… _what?_ " Setsuna gaped at Minako, an expression she did not make often.

"Good soldiers give piggyback rides!" Usagi cheered helpfully. She seemed to have forgotten that she should be standing and was now trying on Minako's right boot.

Minako waved and hissed, "Sh! Not my point! Good soldiers leave no one in a playground."

"Why were you in a playground?" Michiru demanded.

Usagi looked up from sliding Rei's wicked high heel onto her left foot to crow, "SWINGS!"

At this point, Michiru felt herself to have sufficient reason to join Setsuna in gaping at the other four women.

"We passed a park," Rei explained in a somewhat steady voice. "Usagi saw swings and ran for them. So, we had to chase after her, but she still managed to get onto one of the swings and said her legs didn't work anymore."

"Nope," their future queen added in support. A sudden thought seemed to hit her and, under the staring eyes of her sober friends, she grabbed the neckline of her white blouse and pulled it out, away from her body, to look down between her breasts. "Hey, where's my phone? I need to call Mamo-chan!"

As she pulled at her shirt, it rode up enough that a pink phone was clearly visible tucked into the waistband at the back of her skirt. Haruka, Rei, and Minako all glanced at it, but they only shook their heads at each other. Meanwhile, Usagi now had her right hand down her neckline to grope inside her bra.

Michiru shut her eyes for a moment and took a deep, steadying breath. When confusion and frustration continued to chase one another around her head she tried another breath. Still she had a strong desire to throw all four tipsy Senshi back out onto the porch, lock the door, and go back to bed. She knew, though, that she could not follow through with that plan. It was not compassion that stopped her, but the annoying realization that one of these fools might go staggering out into traffic. The hassle that would follow this event would really only make her mounting headache worse.

An arm went around her waist and she felt a warm body resting against hers. Normally she would find this sweet and snuggle into Haruka in return. The scent of sake drifting up to her nose managed to push this impulse away and she opened her eyes to shoot a glare at her lover.

Instead she found Minako leaning against her, both eyes closed and her head resting on Michiru's shoulder. Though she remained standing she was breathing slowly and deeply. With a jolt of shock Michiru realized the younger woman had fallen asleep.

"Maybe we should all head into the kitchen," Setsuna spoke up. "There's coffee, water, and a wastebasket."

"Why do you need a wastebasket?" Haruka asked, squinting at her friend as though trying to bring her into better focus.

Smirking, Setsuna merely said, "Oh, I think someone is going to need one very soon."

With the alacrity of the cheerfully drunk, Haruka and Rei headed straight into the kitchen. Michiru followed, stepping out from under Minako without warning. The blond showed two lifetimes worth of training and skill in catching herself before she collided with the nearest wall. This effect was spoiled when she demanded in a mumble to be told what was going on.

"Kitchen," Setsuna simply said.

Haruka and Rei had already sat down at the table and were sharing Setsuna's forgotten toast. Instead of joining them, Minako zeroed in right away on the coffee maker. Though technically only the four Outer Senshi lived in this house, since the younger girls had graduated from high school it had become the unofficial Senshi headquarters. This made it easy for Minako to find a cup and the sugar and to in general help herself.

Once everyone had found a seat Michiru folded her hands primly on the table and smiled across at her partner.

"Now, love, where _exactly_ have you been?"

The look Haruka gave her was somewhere between hurt and incredulous.

"I went to the party with Minako," Haruka explained. "You heard me call her to make the plans. Remember? You told me I should go, that I shouldn't be sitting around sulking just because you have an exciting career and are amazingly talented and everyone wants you."

Michiru blinked.

"I never said that last bit."

"Are you sure?"

" _Very._ "

Rei looked up from slowly adding more and more sugar to the coffee Minako handed her to interject with, "I said that."

"Oh, that's right. Whatever. _You_ still said I should go to the party with Minako. Turns out that Rei was already coming, so then we went and kidnapped Usagi."

"Kidnapped?" Setsuna echoed as her eyes widened just a little bit more.

"Well, sure," Minako suddenly took over. "You know she 'can't go to a party if Mamo-chan isn't there' and all that lovey-dovey crap. So, we showed up at her house and told her to get dressed up. She didn't want to, but her mom said, 'You can't stay this young forever,' and since no one wanted to explain about Crystal Tokyo Usagi got dressed up and got in the car."

Silently, Michiru thanked Selene and Neptune that Ikuko would not try to have this conversation with her daughter now. The cosmos alone knew what Usagi, or any of the others for that matter, would announce in this state.

"Whose party was this?" she asked. "Does anyone even know?"

"Of course," Haruka reassured her. "A girl from Minako's university. Yumi…no, Yiku…no, uh Yimo—"

"Yukimura," Minako said. "Such a nice girl, but she has the weirdest friends."

Michiru and Setsuna exchanged a glance that simply said, _Pot calling the kettle black?_

"This party, then," Michiru began as she pulled her own phone back out of her pocket, "was in honor of a girl, correct?"

"Well, it was _thrown_ by a girl," Haruka insisted. "Why?"

Tapping on the text attached to Rei's name and smiling face, Michiru slid the phone across the table and allowed the three intoxicated women to read it.

In unison Haruka and Minako turned fierce glares upon the priestess. Rei, of course, showed no surprise at the content of this message. She looked back up at Michiru with a slight shrug.

"Thought you should know. It was pretty amazing."

"Amazing?" Michiru gasped. " _Amazing?!_ "

Haruka held out one hand in an attempt at a soothing gesture as she said, "Now, love, it's not that bad—"

" _Ten'ou Haruka,_ _whose windshield did you throw a SWORD through?!_ "


	3. Confused Confession

_Author's Note: So, a little information I should probably have shared: Texts From Last Night, or TFLN, is a blog that reposts wild texts that real people have sent or received. I highly recommend reading it, but with the warning that some of it is very raunchy and there is a lot of bad language. This story will be just drunk and silly texts. Texts From Crystal Tokyo is a blog on tumblr that takes quotes from TFLN and puts them to screenshots of Sailor Moon, which doubles the giggles._

 _Thanks: Special thanks this time goes out to a guest reviewer (the prince arrives, I hope you like his scenes), SailorMoon489 (I laughed when I was writing this so I'm glad other people are laughing with me), Isis Aurora Tomoe (I totally want to use "sweet baby Saturn" now, that's awesome), The Rising Phoenix (thank you for reminding me that I should have explained where I actually got these texts from, I hope that helps), Moon Bunny (I'm glad I can live up to expectations, let alone exceed them), and Mallon Schwarz (the reasoning behind the sword throw was…complicated). And as always, thanks to everyone reading!_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs._

There were several long moments where Haruka's lips moved without sound as she tried to grasp at an answer. At last she turned to Minako to ask, "What was his name again?"

"Can't remember," the younger woman admitted. "It was Keiko's boyfriend's car, but he wasn't in it. It was the other guy."

"Who's Keiko?" Michiru and Setsuna demanded together.

"The girl whose party we were at," Minako replied with a look of exasperation. "Are you even listening to the story?"

"Are _we—_?"

Only Setsuna gripping her arm tightly kept Michiru from completely unloading her frustration on the errant three. She closed her lips tightly over the rush of words she wanted to say, let them run rampant around her head until she thought she could control them, and tried to focus on the important issue.

"Why did you throw a sword through the windshield of Keiko's boyfriend's car?"

"You have to understand, he started it," Haruka pointed out. "He got so worked up over such a little thing. Everybody was drinking, and these drinks were unbelievable, and someone was playing music so people were dancing, the lights were shining in different colors and you know how that makes things seem kind of like a dream, just like that place with the blue and green lights that made it feel like we were under the ocean and you wore that little white—"

Even with the alcohol still stumbling around in their veins Minako and Rei joined in with Setsuna's shouts of protest. Haruka blinked at them, seeming surprised to notice they were still present, and then smirked across the table at Michiru. The memories of that particular night club, and that lingerie set, burned brightly in Michiru's mind and, under different circumstances, might have led to a sudden departure of herself and her lover. While she felt her face warm slightly, her ire did not wane.

"Alright, while she takes a moment," Setsuna said as she looked to Rei and Minako, "can either of you tell us why Haruka threw a sword through…whoever's windshield?"

"She didn't," they chorused back.

This time Michiru's hold on her anger finally gave way. She lunged up from her chair, both hands slamming down on the kitchen table, and opened her mouth for a long diatribe against intoxication, lying, and the mishandling of Sailor Senshi talismans.

The doorbell rang.

"Maybe you should get that," Setsuna said gently. "I'll try and figure out…whatever this is."

Michiru closed her mouth and shot a fiery glare at Haruka, then Minako, and finally Rei. For the first time she felt it made some impact, as all three tried to sit up a little straighter and blink some sobriety into their eyes. They failed at both attempts and received nothing more from her than a huff of annoyance.

As she disappeared from the kitchen she heard Minako whisper, "Setsuna, is she mad about something?"

A pang of guilt hit Michiru as she made her way into the foyer and realized they had forgotten something. The future queen of Crystal Tokyo lay curled in a pile of shoes and slippers, a red high heel on one foot, a black boot on the other, and Haruka's slippers being used as a pillow. She knelt down for a moment beside Usagi but was greeted only with a surprisingly contented smile and the slow, even breathing of peaceful sleep. With a quick pat on her sleeping head Michiru stood and made her way to the front door.

It did not surprise her in the least to find Mamoru standing at her door looking a little worse for wear. Black hair stood out in wild curls and spikes, having not met a comb that morning, and he wore his old green jacket over jeans and a t-shirt that was frayed at nearly every hem. His blue eyes looked slightly dazed. One hand held a motorcycle helmet and the other a slim black object.

Nodding to the phone, Michiru said, "I take it they started texting you last night, too."

"What the _hell_ happened?" Mamoru burst out. "I was working on my dissertation and when Rei called I told her to drag Usako to that party if she had to. There's no reason she can't go out because I'm busy, right? It must have been going well, I thought, because Rei sent me a message that they had her in the car. I turned my phone off, I needed to concentrate and Luna can get ahold of me in an emergency, and I woke up this morning to find _this_!"

He thrust the phone into Michiru's hand and she saw, not to her surprise, that Usagi had sent him nearly twenty texts. What did surprise her were the five from Rei, the five from Minako, one with the paperclip symbol of an attachment, and the three from Haruka. Her finger hovered for a moment over her partner's name as she wondered what Haruka could possibly have wanted to tell Mamoru while drunk.

"You can read those later," Mamoru promised her. "Especially that last one. I'm fairly certain that one is meant for you. It's not exactly appropriate for me, and I don't own a white lace thong, or some of the anatomical parts mentioned."

"Oh, Mamoru, I am so sorry."

"It's fine. Awkward, but fine. But look at the last one Usako sent me."

Michiru tapped on the picture of a smiling Usagi and skimmed down to the last text. Her eyebrows went up as she understood Mamoru's look of mild panic.

 _No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you_

Stepping back, Michiru gestured for Mamoru to come into the house. He moved past her and followed her gaze down to the young woman nesting amongst the footwear in the hall. A startled gasp escaped him as he went to one knee beside her and reached out to touch her face. When he had confirmed to himself she was, in fact, merely sleeping he looked up to Michiru once more.

"I don't find this as reassuring as I think I should."

"If you come into the kitchen you will be even less reassured," she told him. "Maybe Setsuna will have sorted that all out by now, though, and anyway there's coffee in there."

Mamoru hesitated beside Usagi.

"You can move her to the couch if you want," Michiru offered, "but you'll probably just wake her up, at which point she may start to…bring back last night."

That encouraged him to leave his future wife curled on the floor and instead follow Michiru further into the house. She knew that Mamoru had already dealt with the aftermath of Usagi and alcohol and he would be in no hurry to return to that messy place.

"It's not that I mind holding her hair back," he told her quietly, "it's just that she has _so much hair!_ How no one else on Earth can notice how unnatural her hair is has surprised—oh, in Gaia's name, what happened in here?"


	4. A Strange Tale

_Author's Note: Because I meant to put up a chapter last night, but I got sleepy, here's a second chapter tonight. It's a short one, but I will offer a virtual high-five to anyone who recognizes some of the other party-goers._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs._

However the story of the previous night had progressed it had done so without Haruka's testimony. She lay with her head pillowed on both arms and snoring very softly. Minako carried on talking to Setsuna, her hands in constant motion while the older woman took advantage of her new found gaping abilities. Rei, meanwhile, appeared to be ignoring them as she rocked backward on the legs of her chair and played with her phone.

"So then," Minako continued without acknowledging her growing audience, "Haruka grabs this ping pong paddle and throws it to me as the foxy guy with the red hair tries to get ahold of the little guy."

"The little guy?" Setsuna repeated uncertainly.

"Right! He's trying to get past the foxy guy, and Keiko's boyfriend is just sitting there laughing at that point, and I'm using this ping pong paddle to block this girl who has an actual _paddle_!"

"A what?!" Mamoru broke in without apology.

Minako spun around to grin at him, showing no surprise at his entrance. "A paddle!"

"What kind of party did you girls go to?" he demanded.

"An amazing one," Rei said, and she tapped her phone again. "But she doesn't mean a paddle."

"Yes, I do!" Minako argued. "It was about this long," she held her arms as far apart as she could, "and wood, and she got a crazy swing on it. It broke my little paddle right in half. She must have had a lot of practice swinging a paddle."

Michiru dropped her face into her hands as Mamoru choked on a hastily stifled laugh. Through her fingers she could see Setsuna staring intently at Minako's mouth, as though watching the words as they formed would somehow make them more coherent. Minako had paused to take a long gulp of coffee, and Michiru suspected her of building up the suspense.

With a weary sigh, Rei told them, "It wasn't a _paddle._ It was an oar."

"An oar?" Michiru asked. "As in, for a _boat_?"

"That's what a paddle _is_ ," Minako said. "It's what you row a boat with."

"Honestly," Mamoru said, "I think the story made more sense when it was another kind of paddle. Why would a girl have an oar?"

"Don't know," Minako admitted. "But anyway, she swings her paddle—"

"Oar!" the others chorused.

"—oar, whatever, and it goes through the ping pong paddle, but then I grab her wrist and twist it while getting under her arm, you guys know what I mean, and now _I've_ got the oar! Then I see that the little guy got away from the foxy guy and Haruka jumps right over the table with the drinks and doesn't spill _one!_ Not a single drop of alcohol wasted!"

"That was probably the only thing that wasn't wasted," Mamoru muttered. "I'm going to need some coffee for more of this."

Setsuna shot him a look of apology and said, "You're going to need to make another pot. Make it _strong._ "

While he moved to the cupboard for the grounds, Michiru returned to her seat and stared at the chattering blond. Minako's blue eyes still sparkled from a large dose of adrenaline mixed with alcohol, a dangerous cocktail for anyone.

"Now Haruka's got the little guy by the arm and the foxy guy has _her_ arm but I've got the paddle—"

"OAR!"

"—and just as I get it between Haruka and foxy guy I look up and see why the little guy is so mad. Because there's this girl in blue with hair just a little bit darker than yours, Michiru, and she's got her arms wrapped around—"

The doorbell rang.


	5. A Mysterious Girl

_Author's Note: Each chapter is following exactly on the last, so you might have to go back and read the last line of the previous chapter if this doesn't make sense. Or not. You do you._

 _Thanks: Anyone who is bothering to read this, and especially follow this, thank you so much! Special thanks goes to Phoenix Rising (your reviews so made my day and put a big smile on my face), Moon Bunny (here is a little more drunk Haruka for you), a guest reviewer (poor Mamo-chan is the only Y-chromosome holder in this see of X-chromosomes, poor guy), SailorMoon489 (so about that worst cliffhanger ever…hehehe), and Isis Aurora Tomoe (I have made that face at many drunken stories, and I think I might have been the cause of it a couple times too!)._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs._

"You have to be kidding me," Setsuna groaned. "Now what?"

Michiru eyed the younger two women sitting across from her. "What are the odds that this is the person who _someone_ threw a sword at?"

"Slim, but not zero," Rei admitted. She had yet to look up from her phone and did not appear overly concerned now.

Setsuna stood and moved around the table, saying, "I'll answer it this time. I could use the break."

"But there's more!" Minako insisted.

"That's why I need a break."

Minako slumped back into her chair and pouted. "I was just getting to the big twist, too."

" _Of course_ there's a twist," Mamoru said. "What drunken story shouldn't have a twist to it?"

The kitchen lapsed into silence after Setsuna left, with only the sounds of Mamoru making coffee and Rei tapping at her phone. While Michiru's eyes drifted to Rei almost absently, after several moments she realized a strange smile was playing around the younger woman's lips. She then noticed a slight blush across Rei's cheeks as she studied something on her phone. Though a haze of intoxication still clung to all of those who had returned from the party, the twinkle in those violet eyes came from something else.

Before Michiru had a chance to question the smile and blush, Setsuna strode back into the kitchen, and she was not alone. Behind her came Makoto and Ami, both with heavy eyes and paper cups of coffee in their hands. Clearly, they had been allowed a much calmer morning than those already gathered. As there had been no planned meetings for today, and rarely did any of them just wander in on a Saturday morning before 8 a.m., it did not surprise Michiru to see that Makoto carried her emerald green phone in one hand. The grin across her face was a bit more unexpected.

"Good morning everyone," Makoto chirped. Under closer scrutiny her smile held a dangerous edge of knowingness as she ran her eyes over Minako and Rei. "How was the party?"

"You mean the one you were 'too busy for' last night?" Minako clarified. "Great!"

Seating herself again, Setsuna said, "Apparently, there was a fight."

"Were the police involved?" Ami asked with concern. She swiped blue hair back from her eyes and studied her two friends. " _You_ weren't involved, were you?"

"Rei started it!"

"I did not," Rei disputed. "I did nothing but try to have a nice time. I succeeded, too, until that guy became irrational."

"Irrational about what?" Ami asked.

"It looked like he freaked out because Rei was making out with that girl," explained Minako.

The sober members of the group swung their eyes over to the priestess, who in turn showed absolutely no sign of embarrassment. Instead she turned off her phone, set it aside, and looked around at them all with raised eyebrows. Despite her candid stare, which showed just a shade of defiance, Michiru noticed that the blush on her cheeks had deepened slightly. Rei was not as unaffected as she wanted them all to think.

For the first time that morning, Michiru smiled.

"So Rei was making out with _that girl_?" Makoto asked with a grin of unholy glee.

Ami shrugged as she added, "I feel like that should be more surprising than it is."

Setsuna raised her hand to stop the others' commentary. She had become intent on getting to the bottom of this story and was clearly becoming impatient. The others bit back their questions as the Time Keeper asked, "So he doesn't like seeing girls kissing girls?"

"Well, not _that_ girl. I think he has a thing for her."

"Sure, he does," Rei muttered with a slight roll of her eyes. "If by 'a thing' you mean a genetic connection. He's her brother."

"Are you sure?" Minako asked. "They didn't look like each other and no one else mentioned it."

"She said, 'Oh, no, here comes my brother,' so I feel pretty confident. It makes sense for his anger, too."

"How so?" Ami wondered.

"Very rarely do you see a single young man fly into a rage because two girls are making out at a party," Rei reminded them all, her eyes twinkling.

Michiru laughed softly without any humor. "You would be amazed how often straight men have, shall we say, _difficulty_ with the sight of a woman they want who is happy with another woman, even if they just met the first woman a few minutes before."

"That's because men are jerks," Rei said. Then she threw an apologetic look to the lone man at the table. "Sorry."

"Not the worst thing you ladies have called men in my hearing," Mamoru assured her with a smile. "So, her brother didn't want you making out with her. Why?"

"Would you freak out if you saw our Small Lady making out with someone?" Minako asked.

"Of course! That's my daughter!"  
"Basically the same idea. No one wants to see their family members attempting to lose their tongues inside someone else's mouth."

Mamoru looked horrified. "That isn't really something I need to imagine, you know!"

"I meant Rei and this girl," Minako quickly explained. "They were _really_ into each other. In lots of different ways. I mean—"

"Sword, Minako!" Setsuna snapped. "Get to the sword!"

"Sword?" Ami and Makoto gasped.

"I'm getting there! I have the big paddle—"

"Oar!"

"—and Haruka breaks away from foxy but little guy is out of her hand and Rei gets her hands out of this girl's shirt to come and actually _help us—_ "

"You two were doing fine trashing the place without me."

"—and the little guy jumps straight up and _high,_ like gravity no longer works kind of high, and comes down on Rei! But she's already gone, over the keg and between these two guys who were grinding hard enough to make _me_ blush. Little guy turns around and tries again, yelling something about a dragon. Meanwhile Rei starts thinking she's Robin Hood and jumps up onto another table, knocking all the food over, and grabs these three kababs."

"How do you get Robin Hood from kababs?" Ami whispered.

"Everybody stop rushing me! My eyes are on Rei so I don't see what happens with little guy for a second, but when I look back foxy is yelling something at him about parole. Don't know what that was all about. Still, I don't see a dragon when he makes it to Rei on the table. Then she points a kabab at him, pulls it back like she would an arrow, and throws it at him while yelling, 'For my lady!'"

"I did not!" Rei groaned. "Stop adding to the story."

"You did," Minako insisted. "You threw the next one at him yelling, 'For the fair maiden of ice!'"

"Was that meant for me?" Ami asked quietly of Mamoru, who simply shrugged.

"The last one is, of course, 'For Mars!' Rei hits him in the chest all three times, right over the heart, but they're kababs and they just bounce off. It slows him down, though, because he's looking at her like she is bat crap crazy. Then Usagi runs up while I'm swinging the paddle—"

A collective sigh of defeat went around the table.

"—at the girl with the blue hair, who wants it back, and she, Usagi, yanks Rei off the table and tells her it's time to go. Usagi disappeared toward the cookie table almost as soon as we got there so this is the first we're seeing of her for a while."

"Wait, what?" Mamoru snapped. "You _lost_ her?"

"There was a _cookie table?_ " Makoto asked at almost the same time.

"We did not lose her," Rei told him. Michiru wondered briefly if either she or Minako had the slightest idea where their queen currently was. "There was a table full of cookies, brownies, ice cream, and these ice cream drinks. That's pretty much Usagi's happy place. We knew where she was."

"Though in all fairness we _didn't_ know those ice cream drinks had booze in them," Minako added conscientiously.

"She was fine. Plus, she was making friends with that girl with the purple hair, talking about what makes a great prince. From what I overheard when I went by, Mamoru, you were checking most the boxes."

"Thanks," he said wryly.

"So Usagi grabbed Rei, and then…" Setsuna prompted.

"Right," Minako began again. "Usagi is dragging Rei towards the exit, Haruka is right behind her and I throw the paddle and take off after them. No one's trying to stop us or anything until we get to the parking lot nearby. Of course, we realize none of us are in any condition to drive and we should probably get a cab, so we turn around and find out we're not done. Little guy followed us and now he's running toward us."

"And half the party is right behind him," Rei added. "Apparently we were the best entertainment of the evening. I think someone was taking bets."

"Well, foxy is still sober but I don't think Keiko's boyfriend is. Both of them are running after little guy and I can hear Keiko yelling _a lot._ Just as little guy gets closer to Rei—BAM!"


	6. The Sword in the Windshield

_Author's Note: Each chapter is following exactly on the last, so you might have to go back and read the last line of the previous chapter if this doesn't make sense. Or not. You do you._

 _Thanks: There have been a lot of people following the exploits of this lot, so thank you for hitting that "follow" button! Special thanks go to Mallon Schwarz (glad you took the time to catch up, and we finally get to the part you've been waiting for), Moon Bunny (even all grown up, Endymion will always be my favorite prince), SailorMoon489 (the girls had a fun time, and don't worry, Usagi will be rejoining the party), The Rising Phoenix (cliff-hangers are fun to do to people, and yeah, Mako and Ami are glad they sat this one out), James Birdsong (glad you like it), and angeljme (Minako seemed like the perfect drunk to tell this story)._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs._

"Bam?" the others asked.

"Usagi sticks her arm out and basically clotheslines the guy," Minako explained with a grin.

The stunned silence and gaping had become universal.

"Of course, she immediately helps him up and starts apologizing, and because she's Usagi I think he might actually have been okay with it and let it go, but then Keiko's boyfriend, what is his _name_ , has to yell, 'You got knocked out by a woman!' He isn't actually knocked out, but…yeah. It was like throwing gas on a fire, and he actually kind of smelled like smoke."

"I thought he said, 'You got knocked out by a human,'" Rei said. "It didn't sound like that to you?"

"Why would he say _human?_ Obviously, she's human."

"Guys," Setsuna groaned, "focus on the felony part of the story, please."

"Whatever the other guy said, Usagi sees little guy getting mad again and so she tries to talk to him. That, by the way, is when we realize those ice cream drinks have booze in them, 'cause she is trying to give little guy a hug. He does _not_ want a hug so now Usagi's mad and she starts yelling at him while still trying to hug him. I'm trying to get her off him while Rei and Haruka are both shouting insults at him. Luckily, I see foxy coming our way. He grabs little guy and drags him away and shoves him into a car, probably to try and cool him off. We turn to go, _again._ As we start to walk by the rest of the party I see Usagi's new friend standing with some pink haired girl, watching, and next to them is the cause of the trouble."

"The cause of the trouble's _sister,_ " Rei argued. "It's not her fault he has anger issues."

"Rei's girlfriend," Minako clarified. Rei did not correct her. "Which, of course, is why Rei reaches into her pocket, pulls out a piece of paper with a number on it, and hands it to this girl saying, 'Text me sometime.' Because that could only go well."

"She's _gorgeous_! It was worth the fight!"

"We did most the fighting while you were trying to suck her tongue out of her head!"

"Because _she's gorgeous_!"

For a moment Minako and Rei glared at each other, then Minako shrugged.

"Yeah, she kind of is. But you still could have timed that better. You know, when her overprotective brother wasn't in a car."

"And there's the windshield in question, I take it?" Setsuna asked.

"Yep. Rei hands her this paper with a smile that was almost like another kiss and we hear an _engine_. Of course, Haruka knows that sound and turns around with this great big grin, ready for round three. The car isn't even actually moving towards us, just rocking back and forth while the engine is revving, but it could start at any minute, right? Then I hear someone say 'Tsukino-san!' I look over and I see the pink haired girl, who is holding an honest to gods _sword_. Why did she have a sword? Didn't think to ask right then. She throws it to Usagi, and Mamoru the way she caught it would have made you so proud, and maybe a little hot. Usagi switches her grip, lines up her aim, and throws the sword straight through the windshield of the car."

"Usagi did this?" Ami interrupted. "She threw a sword at someone?"

"Um," Minako and Rei tempered together.

Makoto gasped. "She didn't actually _hit_ one of them, did she?"

"No, no, no," Minako insisted as Rei shook her head. "Her aim was perfect and hit right in the center of the windshield, directly between little guy and foxy so it never got near _either_ of them. She really just threw the sword at the car. Shattered the windshield pretty good, though."  
Once more, Michiru let her face fall into her hands. "So, what happened after that?"

"Keiko's boyfriend freaks out and runs over to the car. I think he's worried about his friends but no, it's the car. Keiko's yelling at him, he's yelling at the guys in the car, and everyone else is cheering. Actually _cheering_. Usagi takes a frickin' bow and almost falls over. Still, before they have a chance to get out of the car we know it's time to go. So Usagi grabs Rei and I grab Haruka and we get the hell out of there," Minako explained.

Rei leaned back in her chair with a smirk of victory. "So, no one was injured, much, I gave my number to a beautiful girl, and that is a party everyone will remember for a long time."

After a long pause where the sober members of the group exchanged uncertain glances, Ami finally asked, "Would this have made more sense if we had been here from the beginning?"

"It really would not," Michiru groaned.

"I have a question," announced Makoto. Her phone was cradled in her hand, the screen aglow with electricity. Letters were just barely visible to the others. "What happened after you left the party? Did you just walk it off? Get some coffee?"

"Not much happened," Minako said with a shrug. "We went into this dance club, the music was bad so Haruka threw Usagi over her shoulder and we left, we had some food at a café that was still open, found a playground, and then we came home."

"Why did you wait for morning to come back?" Michiru asked.

"We wanted to sober up so you wouldn't know how much we drank."

"Then why did you just tell us a story that centers on how much you drank last night?" Setsuna demanded, and Michiru was strangely pleased to see that her friend had finally reached her own level of frustration.

Minako shrugged. "You asked about the sword."

"And that is the proper logic of one still drunk," Makoto pointed out. "So roughly what time did you guys leave that party?"

"A little after 2 a.m., I think," Rei said. "Why?"

"Well, I'm just curious why, after you guys left the party and had apparently no intention of going back, I got this message."


	7. Swings and Poles

_Author's Note: Each chapter is following exactly on the last, so you might have to go back and read the last line of the previous chapter if this doesn't make sense. Or not. You do you._

 _Thanks: To everybody who has joined this drunken escapade, thank you so much! Special thanks go out to The Rising Phoenix (Usagi's powers include love, but when she's drunk her aim is slightly off), Moon Bunny (whatever job allows you to announce "focus on the felony", I tip my hat to you), a guest reviewer (hang in there, Usagi will return), Babsy-chan (if you let me know what your questions are, I would be happy to untangle anything that's confusing you, and thanks for sticking it out regardless of your confusion), SailorMoon489 (I'm not legally responsible for the cliffhangers doing damage to my readers, am I? ;-P), Mallon Schwarz (originally it was going to be Haruka, but then I thought, you know what would be even weirder?)_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs._

The green phone landed in the center of the table, and everyone but Makoto and Ami leaned in to read the message highlighted there, under a picture of a smirking Haruka.

 _pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood_

Everyone looked at the woman who had shifted so that her face lay flat against the table. Her snoring had become notably quieter and for a moment Michiru worried Haruka might have stopped breathing when no one was looking. Her lover's breath pushed up from the table to make her pale blond bangs sway as a sign of life, allowing Michiru to continue to be angry without any feelings of guilt.

With a slight grimace, Rei admitted, "Alright, Haruka may not have been one hundred percent fine with leaving a fight, um, unresolved. She may possibly have tried to convince us that we should go back after we left that dance club."

"And after we ordered at that café," Minako said. "And after we ate. And as we were walking down the road back this way."

"Usagi took off running into the night at that point, so that distracted Haruka from the fight," Rei finished.

After the story he had just heard, and the alarm that he had felt as he raced his motorcycle through Tokyo to find his fiancée, Mamoru did not seem to have the energy to get upset as he simply asked, "Where was she going?"

"It turns out that there is a park that way," Rei told them. "One with swings, which apparently makes it ideal because that was where she was headed. She hopped up onto one of the seats and started swinging. We thought we could give her a minute or two and then she'd be ready to go, but we were wrong. It took thirty minutes to get her to stop swinging."

"After that, Haruka didn't want to go back and fight anymore, did she?" Mamoru guessed with a slow smile.

Both young women grinned back as Minako said, "No, she seemed to forget about it while she was climbing the bar of the swing set so that she could grab onto the chains and make the swing stop. That did not work, by the way, and she came down pretty hard on her right ankle. Usagi was too drunk to heal her."

"We thought she was, anyway," Rei said. "We didn't let her try. We were afraid that we would have a Gilderoy Lockhart situation and Haruka would be missing a tibia. It's not like it was broken so I gave her a shoulder to lean on and Minako carried Usagi home with us."

"So that's really about it," Minako stated. "I don't think there's anything we missed."

It did not surprise anyone in the least when Ami tapped the screen of her pale blue phone, took a sip from her coffee cup, and laid the phone out for everyone to see.

 _If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit._

"Oh, right," Minako whispered, staring at her own face beside the message. "That was actually while we were in the dance club."

Ami said, "I have two questions for you: first, what at a dance club could make you feel invincible? Second, why do you swear so much more when you're drunk and texting?"

"Pretty much everyone swears more when they're drunk," Setsuna reminded them. While she glanced at all of them as she spoke, her eyes did seem to linger on Makoto.

"And the invincibility?" Michiru asked.

Rei smiled. "The dance club had poles."

"Oh, Minako, not again," Mamoru sighed.

"Those are for structural purposes," Ami added in the tone of a teacher tired of repeating the lesson. "You can't swing off those just because you saw it in a movie."

"We didn't get thrown out of the club for me swinging off a pole," Minako told them. "Not this time."

Setsuna put a hand to her forehead and said, "Wait, what do you mean that you didn't get thrown out of the club for _that?_ What did you get thrown out for?"

"We didn't get thrown out at all!" Minako attempted to reassure her. This was swiftly undercut when she added, "We ran out of there before security reached us."

"And security was coming because of the poles?" Ami asked weakly.

"Everyone let it go about the poles! Those poles were designed _to be danced on._ "

"They were probably not designed so some cute, drunk super hero could swing around one and deliver a flying kick to the guy who grabbed her chest, though," Rei said.

"I should tell you that's wrong," Setsuna admitted, "but to be honest I think we're all just a little proud right now."

"Even without transforming I managed to get him airborne," Minako added with a grin.

"And now we're all _very_ proud," Michiru said as she finally allowed the frustration to ebb away somewhat. While the drunken antics of the night before had not been in the least appropriate for princesses or Sailor Senshi, the four women had apparently managed to keep secret their abilities and their identities…especially from anyone seeking to press charges.

"Is that _really_ everything?" Ami demanded, eying Minako and Rei distrustfully.

"There might be things we'll remember in the future, but as far as I know right now, that's everything," Rei assured her.

The long list of messages she had discovered that morning from the four partying women came back to Michiru. There would probably be a few more stories forthcoming in the next day or so, as showers and sleep sharpened their minds. She wondered if she should bother reading any more of them and had decided to wait until Haruka awoke when she heard a soft whistle from beside her. Mamoru had retrieved his own phone from his pocket and was staring at the screen with a deeply appreciative expression.

"Did Usagi manage to send you a picture from down her shirt?" Rei asked. "We tried to take her phone away but somehow she always managed to get it back. She would make an amazing pickpocket, you know."

A small smile tugged at his mouth as he looked at Rei. Instead of answering he tipped the phone so that Michiru could see what he saw.


	8. Pretty as a Picture

_Author's Note: Each chapter is following exactly on the last, so you might have to go back and read the last line of the previous chapter if this doesn't make sense. Or not. You do you._

 _A Brief Apology: This week has suuuuuuuuuuucked. But still, I am sorry that I have not updated until now. Every morning I told myself, "You must put up the next chapter today!" And every night, I responded with, "I'm so tired."_

 _Thanks: Everybody! Special thanks go out to The Rising Phoenix (Setsuna is so the mom of the entire group, I just always see her as slightly exasperated with them all, and Mamoru at this point has seen them all at their worst and wildest), Moon Bunny (it's so fun how fans can all get the same idea in their heads, in this case Usagi's pick-pocketing, and somehow it becomes a collective head canon), a guest review (I'm so glad you are loving it, and I have a whole heap of fics, especially Sailor Moon fics, already started here on ), TropicalRemix (your question will be answered shortly), Mallon Schwarz (I believe that all magical healing should be done responsibly, but there is nothing wrong with kicking a perv across the room), Merangelgal (so happy I could give you some laughs), Erin3000 (there is more to be remembered, but no one is going to be sober for a while), and Anonymous (you are the first person to catch that crossover, and because they are more cameo appearances I was not sure it should be marked a crossover as there would be some disappointed YYH fans)._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Yu Yu Hakusho, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs._

Rei had been correct: the girl was gorgeous. Wisps of mint green hair swayed around a sweet round face. She had skin as pale as snow and large, laughing eyes the color of rubies. From the graceful curve of her body Michiru guessed that the picture had been taken while she was dancing. Her face tipped up to her partner and a shy smile parted her soft pink lips.

That smile was answered by Rei, staring down into her face with a look almost of wonder.

"I seriously hope you are not showing a boob shot from your fiancée to Michiru," Makoto grumbled at Mamoru.

"Actually, Usagi didn't take this picture," Mamoru said. "Minako did, and sent it to me last night."

"I took a picture of Usagi's boobs?" the sleepy blond asked. " _That_ I don't remember."

"It isn't Usagi's boobs," Michiru corrected.

"I sent you a picture of my _own_ breasts? Oh, Mamoru, I am so _sorry!_ "

"There are no boobs," Mamoru interrupted. "Well, I mean there are, but…look."

Everyone looked. There was a moment of quiet as the group studied the picture of the beautiful girl dancing with Rei. Michiru saw her sister Senshi stare at the girl's every feature with hard eyes. None of the Senshi, she realized, had ever attempted a relationship outside of their circle. Most friendships had even fallen away as the years went on. The way Rei looked at this lovely girl was different from other crushes. It meant something, which in turn meant that her friends were instantly suspicious.

When they returned their gazes to Rei her blush had turned to a furious red across her entire face even as she tried to appear indifferent.

It was Makoto who cracked a grin and said, "I'd throw a sword at her brother for you."

"She is _lovely_ ," Michiru added. "What's her name?"

"Please tell me you know her name," Ami said hopefully.

Rei threw her a glare. "Of course I know her name. It's-"

"Urameshi!" Haruka gasped, sitting straight up in her chair.

The entire group turned to stare at her in surprise.

"What? No!" Rei snapped. "That's not her name!"

"Whose name?" Haruka asked with a bewildered stare.

"Who is Urameshi?" Setsuna shot back.

Minako snapped her fingers with a look of delight. "Keiko's boyfriend!"

"Who cares? What was the girl's name?" Ami demanded.

When Haruka stared at her blankly Michiru explained, "The girl Rei was kissing."

"Oh, her. She's gorgeous!"

"That is the general opinion," Mamoru agreed. "Rei?"

"Yukina," the priestess told them.

 _Pretty,_ Michiru thought, but before she could say just that her phone emitted a brief violin trill to notify her that she had received a text. At the same time the kitchen filled with the sound of drums, whistles, chirps, meows, and signing voices as each phone's unique text alert came alive to tell their owners of a newly arrived message.

On the screen, as Michiru looked at her phone, she saw a picture of Usagi and a text message.

 _This is a mass text. Does anybody know where I am?_


	9. In a Queenly Manner

_Author's Note: Each chapter is following exactly on the last, so you might have to go back and read the last line of the previous chapter if this doesn't make sense. Or not. You do you._

 _Announcement: This is the final chapter of this fic, so thanks to EVERYBODY! The response I received for this story has really helped on crappy days. If you reviewed, if you followed, or if you just gave it a passing chuckle, thanks for stopping in. I hope entertainment will still come from this silly thing for in future, incredibly odd search results._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, Yu Yu Hakusho, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Texts From Last Night, or Texts From Crystal Tokyo. I am making no profit from this story, except hopefully a few laughs._

Shaking his head, Mamoru tapped his phone to close the message and stood up. "I'll go get her."

As he left Minako, Rei, and Haruka looked around the table in some confusion.

"When did she leave?" Minako asked, revealing herself to be not quite as sober as she might think.

"A few minutes ago," Makoto told her without batting an eye. "She just wandered out towards the front door saying something about needing air. Hey, did anyone else hear tires screeching a second ago?"

Minako and Rei leapt to their feet and raced from the kitchen toward the front door. Michiru watched them go with a small smile. They would stumble across Mamoru and Usagi, possibly literally, before they reached the door and ran into traffic. As they rounded the corner and disappeared, Michiru turned her smile to Makoto.

"Nicely done."

Makoto shrugged but smiled back. "It's an unofficial friend rule: if _you_ get wasted, _we_ get to mess with you."

"Mess with them how?" Haruka asked with only a slight slur. "Wait. Why are we at the table?"

Michiru ran an eye over her partner and tried not to smile. The woodgrain of the table had left a pattern down the center of Haruka's forehead. Both eyes were bloodshot a remarkable shade of red, but they did not seem to be focusing on anything in particular. It took only moments for a familiar change to come over Haruka's face, a look somewhere between alarm and dread. She did not look at anyone else at the table but stood swiftly and walked across the kitchen and living room into the bathroom. She closed the door and immediately turned on the water in the sink.

"What…is…she doing?" Ami asked with a look of concern.

"Running water so we don't hear her vomit," Michiru explained. "Hotaru is _very_ sensitive to that sound so if anyone has to be sick it's important that it can't be heard."

"Thankfully, Hotaru is still at that summer camp," Setsuna told them all as she rubbed her forehead. "I don't think she would recover from this experience soon."

"Nobody will recover from this experience soon," Makoto grumbled. She shook her cup and frowned when no coffee could be heard from inside. "If I make breakfast, what do you think would have the strongest smell?"

Michiru attempted a stern look around a smile. "You are _not_ inducing vomiting in our house. We have three bathrooms and four hangovers. I don't like those numbers."

"You take the fun out of everything."

Several thumps could be heard against the wall, then the soft sound of arguing voices, and finally their queen appeared in the kitchen doorway. At some point she had pulled her buns down and left her blond hair trailing past the hem of her rumbled pink skirt. Mamoru stood behind her with his hand just above her shoulder, but when he offered her support she swatted at him irritably. He shrugged at the women around the table and allowed Usagi to make her stumbling progress across the kitchen to Haruka's abandoned seat.

"Where are Minako and Rei?" Ami asked.

"Matching shoes," Usagi said in a trembling voice. "None of the shoes were with their partners. It was very sad."

Behind her, Mamoru filled a glass with water and bit his lip against laughter.

As Usagi looked around the table Michiru was startled to see a tear roll down her cheek. Not only was she the happiest drunk anyone had ever met, she had long outgrown her propensity for sudden outbursts of tears. Another tear joined the first and Usagi began to sniffle weakly.

"What's wrong?" Makoto gasped as she put a hand on her friend's arm.

"Why would anyone let me be a queen?!" Usagi wailed.

Mamoru spun around in shock, nearly dropping the glass into the sink. He managed to keep his grip and hastily shut off the water to take the chair beside his crying fiancée. Still she rebuffed his attempts to comfort her by twisting away. As this almost ended with her tumbling off the chair he gave up and sat back in exasperation.

"Usako, what are you talking about?"

"I shouldn't be allowed to be a queen!" she told them all. "I threw a sword at someone and then I fell off a swing!"

"You fell on the dancefloor, too!" a voice added from the foyer.

"Shut up, Minako!" Makoto yelled back.

Usagi grabbed a napkin from the small pile on the table and buried her face in it. "Queens can't fall on dancefloors! Queens can't do body shots with someone they just met!"

This earned a shocked blink from Mamoru. "I beg your pardon? You did shots off of who now?"

"How did this also get missed?" Ami asked as she fell back in her chair.

"Anthy," Usagi told Mamoru between sobs. "She was showing me how do them off her girlfriend so I could do them right on your birthday. Minako can't tell you because it's a surprise and you can't know. Can queens do body shots off their kings?"

"Yes," the entire group instantly assured her.

"Oh, good. I want to be a proper queen, you know. Nothing dirty."

Michiru looked across the table at Mamoru to ask, "Are there any more pictures on your phone?"

"I'll search later," he said. After a furtive glance at Usagi, still crying into her napkin, he added, "If I find pictures of some girl doing body shots off her girlfriend, I'll let you know."

"You are a true friend."

"Pretending I didn't hear any of that," Setsuna muttered. She leaned forward to cover Usagi's hand with her own. "You had a little too much to drink last night and you did a couple of things you aren't proud of. That does not make you unfit to rule the solar system."

Finally, Usagi lowered the napkin to look at her with hopeful, watery eyes. "Are you sure? Because I don't think queens should get piggyback rides home."

"Once you're queen any parties would probably be at the palace, so you'll already be home," Makoto told her. "You'll just need a ride up the stairs to your bedroom."

"That's true," Usagi said with a tremulous smile. "But it's still not queenly."

"I will carry you up the stairs in my arms in a properly queenly manner," Mamoru promised, dropping a kiss on top of her head.

"Alright. I guess if you carry me I can still be a good queen." She closed her eyes and leaned against his shoulder. "Mamo-chan?"

"Yes, Usako?"

"Can you carry me in a queenly manner now?"

"Where?"

She opened one blue eye to meet his. "I don't feel so good."

"Of course you don't," Mamoru said as he hung his head for a moment. "Alright, come on."

"Use my bathroom," Michiru told him, "there are hair clips on the sink."

"Thank you," he called from the doorway.

"Remember any pictures."

Usagi was borne away in a queenly manner, leaving four sober women sitting around the table in a sort of daze. In a few moments Michiru knew she would have to take a glass of apple juice, Haruka's preferred morning after drink, in to her partner. Setsuna, Makoto, and Ami would need to wrangle Rei and Minako into the living room and onto the futon, where they could sleep it off. If they were all very lucky they would not end up with anyone else needing to purge their bodies of alcohol into the toilet.

"Well," Ami finally said, "that was…interesting."

The other three nodded.

"It's nice when we do things together," Makoto said. "Some of us vomiting, some of us making sure the others don't die, it's good team bonding."

"You're right," Setsuna agreed.

Michiru stood and collected the scattered coffee cups, placing them in the sink. There would be plenty of time later for washing up, once the intoxicated Senshi had been put to bed. She turned around, leaned back against the counter, and smiled at the other three.

"So next weekend the orchestra has its last concert, after which I will be getting the conductor fired. What should we do to celebrate?"

Grinning, Ami asked, "Have you ever tried tequila made by three pre-med students in the closet of their apartment?"

"That is something everyone should be able to say 'yes' to," Makoto said. "We're in. Setsuna?"

"I've had a whisky crafted in the darkest fiery chasms of Mars, then distilled for twelve hundred years in a barrel of ancient wood from the forests of Europa in the coldest crater outside of Charon Castle," Setsuna reminded them all. "I opened it with Queen Serenity two days before her marriage. She was lucky she made it to the ceremony on time and I nearly died. Bring it on."

 _A/N Again: So that is it, my fine friends. I have considered doing a follow up fic, either about the party after Michiru's concert or Mamoru's birthday, or perhaps something else. If I do it might end up in crossovers, especially if any more of the YYH crew show up. If you would like to read about one of these parties over the other, let me know._


End file.
